i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
