look no pants
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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