Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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