I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
