pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
