i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
