It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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