i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
