I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
