Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
