saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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