A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
