Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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