I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
