You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
