Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
