When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
