4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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