I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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