Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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