My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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