Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
