I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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