Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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