it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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it's like heaven, but drunker
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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