Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she looked like the before picture.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
