also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm both gender and math confused
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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