It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
