my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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