I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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