we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
