we're chasing vodka with high fives
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
