where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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