speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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