So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize