Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
