so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
