i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
