im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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