He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
