I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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