First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
