i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
