Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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