Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
