We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
