I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
