I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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