Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
