Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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