Sry I called you an 8
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
