He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
