Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
