i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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