yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
