I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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