Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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