what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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