At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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