so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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