It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
