John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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