put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You don't make any sense
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