I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
