Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize