Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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