hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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