Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
