I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
