You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
