we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
