you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
