I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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