Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
