my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
