before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
