Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
