she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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