We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
