I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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