If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
