If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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